Confessions

It was the same routine every week day. It used to start from 0700 hours when they woke up till 0900 hours when they left. She would get up go to his room and wake him up with a peck on his cheek & a warm smile. He never budged till she opened the curtains and let the sunlight hit his face. Finally he would sit on the bed mumbling. 0800 hours on the clock, Savita Bai would ring the bell. Ananya would open the door with her toothbrush in her mouth and picked up the newspaper dropped on the door mat. As Savita Bai starts to prepare breakfast they would have a bath & get ready. They meet at the breakfast table discuss about the days’ affair stocks and other issues they need to talk about. They gulped their juice and toast or any special menu prepared by Savita Bai who knew their palates well by now. Anaya would then decide the menu for the dinner obviously with Arjun’s consent if he would be having dinner or felt like eating anything specific. And at 0930 hours they would finally leave the house for work. But that day things were different…

They returned home at 0300 hours from Noel & Ira’s wedding. And that too drunk. Ananya laughed crazily all night at the party and Arjun held her by the waist close to him all the time so that she doesn’t trip and fall. Thank God they had decided to take the driver along. None of them would have been in any condition to drive back. Arjun was dead tired – best man and best friend what could one expect. And now he was her caretaker. He had no count on the number of drinks he had but he knew he was still stable.

It was time to leave. Arjun and Noel shook hands as they hugged patted each other on the back, typically how guys hug and said a goodbye. Ananya and Ira held on to each other for more than 15 minutes now and both men waited. Ananya yelled, “I’m so happy for you!!” And Ira yelled back, “I know!! So am I!!!” and both would giggle with tears in their eyes.

“Oh boy! She’s gone too” Arjun said & let a sigh.

“Yeaah!” Noel replied with a smirk.

“Have fun! Tonight surely is a good night, mate” Arjun winked as he said it and Noel agreed with a nod.

Finally Ira & Ananya let go each other and it was time to go. They waved a bye to each other and sat in the car. Ananya snuggled into his arms and started yapping. Nothing she said made any sense. She laughed at her own jokes, then would close her eyes and try to sleep and then again open her eyes and start laughing. He loved every moment of this. Not one did he miss. He kept looking at her with a smile and couldn’t help notice how cute she was. He was in love. Every bit of her he couldn’t get enough of it. He felt like telling her everything – every minute thing of how he felt today but “now is not a good time” he thought. He had to wait for what, he didn’t know. She finally slept off in his arms and he held her close to his heart and placed his head on hers. "Sahab, paunch gaye!", the driver woke them up.
 
He woke her up and held her once they were out of the car. She couldn't even walk properly and somehow managed to enter the lift. She held his arm and dozed off waiting for the 8th floor to reach. He made her rest against the wall till he opened the door. He then picked her up in his arms like a baby and made his way to her bedroom. She was completely taken aback and the state of mind she was in she started laughing aloud. He dropped her softly on the bed and caressed her hair. She was muffling her laugh now. He smiled and asked “you want to change into something comfortable?” She nodded a no and started stretching her hand and cuddled into her blanket and muffled “Too tired to change and all ya!” He bent to kiss her on the cheek, like always just near her lips. They still had some of the maroon lipstick that she had worn for her party complimenting the dress she wore. She looked beautiful! Once he kissed she always smiled and she did it this time too. Unexpectedly she spoke, “You always miss the mark!” Her eyes were closed but her smile grew by the second. He was a little taken aback by that comment and didn’t know what he should do. He let his heart rule. He kissed her on her lips. It was a peck and then a small kiss. She kissed back.

He held her close by the waist and slipped into her blanket. She held on to his collar and pulled him further close to her. This time they kissed. Every nerve in her tingled and every single thing that he felt for her he wanted to show it to her. They both had pictured this day in their minds. And now they were together and it felt like it should never end. He cupped his hands on her face and kissed her forehead and looked into her eyes. She kissed his neck. Even at the end of the day he smelt awesomely sexy. She rested on his chest and he started to play with her hair. His heart beat at an express speed.

“I love you!” he said with a lump in his throat.

She looked up to him and moved closer to his ear and whispered “I love you too!”

Four long years...

Everyone in blazers and tie.. Everyone looked prim and proper. It sure was a formal event. Award show for corporates. What do you expect? Grey haired 40 year olds, 45 year old CEOs, 60+ owners of giant companies. 30 year olds like him grouped with 7 others who were as out of place like him. They spoke to our company heads, joined for a drink and fake laughed at their stupid jokes. Some bragged about their win and few were modest about it while others said we are pretty used to it now! He felt more out of place because he was here after 5 years. He stood in a corner leaning on the pillar and enjoying the affair silently. Every year on this day he had an international tour and a brand to launch. Also this time he was nominated and the youngest 'boy' (as they called him) to win. It broke many hearts.

What was refreshing in this solitary was hearing her name. He was hopeful to see her and she didn't come. A surge of happiness swelled in him and involuntarily he clapped first and started to stand up, realised half way those stares and awkwardly sat down. The few who sat on his table were glaring and he blurted out to save his ass "college friend". After the function, he made his way to the backstage. The person arranging and coordinating the awards was asking to take them back. I went up to him, "Excuse me! Is it possible for me to take Ananya's award on her behalf? B-school friend." He obviously knew me, obviously Ananya too and that we both were alumni of the same B-school. He handed over the award and the certificate in his hand, I walked towards the party.

Arjun was still looking at her award in his hand and smiling to himself. He then casually looked up and saw him. The day sure was getting weird by the minute. Their eyes met and an awkward smile crossed their face. Neerav started walking towards Arjun and suddenly he was losing his grip from the award. Arjun had a rally of thoughts, “How stupid am I? But why didn’t he come to collect it on her behalf? I hadn’t seen him throughout the function. Must have reached late.” He was finally face to face with Arjun. He had met him thrice before; only because of her.

“Hi! How you doing?” Arjun broke the silence.

“Doing great! Boring part, eh?”

Arjun just nodded his head. He saw Neerav’s eye on the award that he was holding.

“Congratulations! I know how it feels. Won one last year. It feels recognised. Oh good you picked up Ananya’s award also. She must be used to it by now. Winning streak for 3 years. She never comes to this function. Wow!” Neerav continued.

“Thanks! And congrats for last year. Was busy with work so couldn’t attend it since last 3 years. I guess I was nominated this year so my company was courteous enough to send me. Ya! Hardwork pays off!” saying so Arjun handed over the certificate and award to him “Here, do wish her her congratulations on my behalf. And ya very proud of her!”

He passed a confused look at Arjun. It was quite an unexpected reaction from a guy who was married to her. Something was not right! “How is she? I haven’t seen her since 4 years. Aren’t you guys still staying together and dating? Even after 2 years of our break I tried my luck again but I can never forget that evening when she came and told me she loves you. All my love couldn’t hold her back. It took 4 long years to get over her. Finally am getting married to this lovely lady…” his words faded.

A lightning bolt struck Arjun. He felt a sudden loss of air. He wanted to just run out of this place. He felt the walls were closing in. 4 years! 4 freaking years he stayed away from her because she told me she is getting married to him. She was in a relationship with him for years… 3 or 4? He couldn’t care to remember. They had broken up and she lived with him for 2 years. When everything he thought would fall in place she came and broke this news to him. Only after she walked out of his life he realised how much he missed her… how much he loved her. He was an idiot to let her go & didn’t grab then opportunity he had before that very day. He chose something else and he lost her. He pushed her and on that day he lost her… he lost a friend. Naïve he was, not to realise what he was losing.

Neerav saw the sudden change in Arjun’s demeanour. Telling him the truth was pointless. He was getting married. And it took 4 years for him to get over her. Pushing him back would be wrong. Consciousness jumped back into Arjun and he blurted out “That’s great news, congratulations! I… yaa we dated as in on and off… small fights and also I was out of the country… Don’t know why I thought she must have contacted you. Ya, will give her the award myself and work things out. Hmmm… congrats once again man!”

“She would not want to come, maybe, but just ask her and both you are invited. The wedding is on the 6^th this month. I would really like it.”

Arjun could just say a ‘ya’ and nodded feverously. He wanted to leave and just run to her, see her, hold her and say… he didn’t know what would he say? He didn’t think about that now. He just wanted to see her. Period! That’s all!

He couldn’t wait for the day to break. He tossed and turned. He couldn’t sleep and wink. Finally at 8, he went for a shower, had his regular toast and bitter coffee and mentally he had million conversations with her. He was going to see her. As he sipped his coffee and stared outside his hotel window. He felt peaceful. He felt everything was going to sort. Everything. And everything was going to fall back in place. Back to how it was! Fingers crossed…

"Que Sera Sera"

The dinner was superb and a fabulous place too. As he already knew Ananya was yapping non-stop from the time they sat in the car to drive back home. For the 44th time she said how happy she was for Noel-Ira and how much she is looking forward to the wedding and what she would be wearing and how awesomely beautiful Ira would look. And it didn't end there. It just went on and on and on. Even after such a tiring day at work she was brimming with energy and he was more the listening sorts. He just said 'hmmm' couple of times, raised his eyebrows and sometimes let out a laugh or smile to just make her realize he is listening. Funny part was he wasn't listening. Even with his eye on the road he saw how radiant she looked even after the tedious day's work, how enthusiastic she was in life, how she kept adjusting her fringe as she spoke, how she played with the handle of the bag and then her ring, how she rolled her eyes and they moderated between brimming with excitement to a tired sigh and then again gained the strength to laugh.. He couldn't help but notice all this. Back of his mind he thought about what Noel and he spoke in the morning and agreed to the fact that it makes sense to at least drop some hints. Let's take a shot! What if?

Finally they took the right and parked. He could finally hear silence as she had stopped talking now and was getting off the car. He was too sleepy but he didn't want to. He wanted to spend the whole night talking to her and just looking at her. Knowing Ananya she would be all chirpy and jumpy till you have something to do. The moment she smelt the mattress and her pillows she takes off in her dream world. Lot of her friends kidded about this. As soon as they entered the room he threw his keys on the coffee table and dropped himself on the couch. Ananya wanted to go for a shower badly. She first went to the kitchen washed her hands took a bottle of water came to the couch to peacefully have her sip of water. He snatched the bottle the moment she sat. She grrr-ed. This was always the case and she would hit him hard but it never made any difference to him. And he would hold her close and kiss her on the cheek and say a thank you every single time. She would just smile and say it is okay. "Jerk" she would mutter but she could never hold her anger for long.

She loved him way to much but too scared to express. She couldn't imagine her life without him and ever girl he brought home she envied and hated. Hearing Noel's story she felt a little hopeful but didn't get them too high cause it wouldn't be the same here. Noel and Ira have a history.. Noel was in love with her. Here, however, no past no present and how she wished and prayed there would be a future. She finally gulped the water and looked at him who was still holding her and gone to sleep on her shoulder.

"Go and sleep na if you that sleepy!"

"No.. Not sleepy at all.. Just like it like this.. Temme what you wanna do now?"

"Now? You want to do something now? Okay mister sleepy head.. You are tired and are dozing off what do you wanna do now? Also don't you have work tomorrow. What time to do you have to go?", she asked typing her hair up.

"Same as usual 9 I shall leave. But I am not that sleepy yaa let's do something. What say a movie? Or maybe a board game or cards? Something!!"

"Okay ok cry baby we will think of something let's go for a shower first freshen up and then decide. Is that fine?" saying so she got up.

"Shower.. Together??" he winked.

She gave him that one look that cracked him up and he laughed rolling on the sofa. She just turned her back towards him and faked a 'huh' by throwing her head back and let a 'whatever' but was blushing at that comment without his knowledge.

He saw her walk and realized. "Whew! Still alive" he gave a nervous laugh out. "Too much effort will have to put to get this through. Time to get up and go for a shower! And let's see how things go.. Que sera sera!!" 

The final thought crossed his mind as he picked up the keys and left it on the key holder and moved towards his room unbuttoning his shirt.

Celebration

"She said a yes!", Noel barged into Arjun’s room without even knocking. He rarely did that but the screech in his voice & the jump in his stride answered why. Arjun jumped out of his seat to congratulate him; super excited that he was. He was Arjun’s partner-in-crime since school days. Their life path had been so similar that people either didn't believe or were shocked. From being in the same school then joined the same college same workplace after graduation then the same B-School & finally getting placed at the same dream job that's where they stood today. They shared the same apartment for a year & then Noel decided to move in with this girl, his best friend & he had fallen in love with her but was in constant state of denial. It took 2 years for him to realise that. And this was Arjun’s moment of I-told-you-so & Noel nodded it of casually, “Ya ya ya”.


Today Arjun was sharing an apartment with his best friend too (and Noel was there to help and gain clarity all the way) & yes he did feel differently about her but he couldn’t even word it for there were lot of ‘complicated’ reasons; as he put it. Noel thought different about it. “Chai?” Noel was still chirpy and elated and how happy Arjun was for him he couldn’t even express *Guys!*

“Oh did I tell you yesterday when I left office a little early in this jittery mood I called Ashok buddy. Hahaha I can’t believe that.”

“I can! You would have called anyone a buddy yesterday given that you were all nervous & you called me some 25 times and I failed to receive!”, Arjun winked.

Noel mischievously retorted, “ya, what the fuck were you doing? Making out with Ananya?”

Arjun hit him hard with the roll of paper, “It was Sunday you smart ass and we were watching a movie and also my phone was on silent mode didn’t realise you called!”

“Movie? Seriously? C’mon man after almost 2 years that’s where you still are?” Noel always made the sadistic comments which hit the weakest nerve.

“Do not forget before you proposed Ira we discussed for days. You were sceptical right? An year back when you asked her out… finally… and see where it leads to… we went over all the possible conversations for months. You dropped slight hints here and there she picked it up & bam! You moved in and asked her out. I still donno how a sweet girl like her said a yes to a bastard like you. *wink* but yaa there was always a spark between you guys.”

“And you are trying to say there is no spark between you two? So you want me to use flintstones to show you some spark, eh!”

“Bad joke, seriously man! Grow up!”

He puffed his cigarette and let the smoke in the subtlest manner as always. He smoked his cigarettes as passionately as he would kiss Ira. He enjoyed every puff as he took.

Their conversation stalled for a brief moment as they were checking out the girl who walked into the building. Arjun again hit Noel with the paper, “Stop checking her out, you gonna ger married!”, he said pitifully.

“I will still be a guy, fucker!”

“By the way she’s Dilip’s new chic”

“Dilip… the sales guy?? Where does he get them from??”, Noel said in his usual melodramatic & shocked manner.

“Hmmm… Agreed!”

“So, where were we? Ya Ananya! Why not move to the next stage?”

“Let’s not start again. I told you its complicated”

“Do you love her?”

“I guess I do!”

“Does she feel the same?”

“I donno!”

“How the fuck will you know? If you don’t express or ask… how will you know?”

“I donno!”

“Do you wanna know?”, Noel was irritated.

“I donno!”

“For Christ’s sake, say something other than ‘I DONNO’.”

“Look I am happy the way it is okay? I don’t wanna corner her & lose her. I’d rather be happy like this seeing her everyday than losing her and never see her.”

“Why are you so pessimistic about you and her? Everything else in life you have always been positive even about a non-achievable sales target. How does it just swing to the other side with respect to this?”

“Let’s discuss this some other day. Let’s celebrate tonight. Sandy suggested this new place which has good food, music & beer. Let’s check it out!”

Noel finally gave up by throwing his hands in the air and threw the cigarette and crushed it really hard, “Fine suit yourself. We will talk later if you want. But just wanna say don’t lose something as precious as this dude… I am saying it with experience. I was sane enough to grab an opportunity for life. And ya, we can celebrate!”

“Hmmmm… Will check with Ananya too… Am sure she will be crazily ecstatic & gonna yap about it the whole time. Oh Lord! So when’s the day?”

“A month from now, 1st March!"

Posted on Wednesday, 2 February 2011 on Lights... Camera... Action

The Proposal

A bed full of rose petals.. Scented candles.. And the dimlit bedroom.. Just back from office, this was not a normal scene when she came home. A pleasant surprise but unsure what this meant. She couldn't even see him around. Was he getting a date home? She thought. A open friendship easily survived between them for 2 and half years now. They both dated separately however what they felt for each other never was shown or hindered their date life. And now this? Is he proposing someone? How come I don't know whom he was dating? No,he couldn't be possibly dating a girl without telling me? But why not? A question that her alterego failed to get an answer for. He did act a little queer the other day. Damn I need answers. Mentally and physically exhausted from the day's work this was welcoming but now curiosity reached it's peak. She wanted to know.

He came early from work that day. Setting will take time. He mentioned to his colleague today's the moment of truth buddy. Buddy?? Seriously is that what I called Ashok? He threw his head back and laughed it off as he drove home. He had successfully talked himself into it. A girl and guy living together wasn't an easy thing in India let alone in Bangalore. This was the most ideal set up. They knew each other for 5 years now and it surely was cost effective. The day they met in college they knew this was going to last long. Forever is the word today. Whom was he fooling dating other hot women. He loved her like crazy. Waiting each night for her to come back from work, kissing her forehead and wishing her good night, waking up with a warm hug from her each day. It all worked awesomely well. She dated other men and how much he loathed them. But he was having fun too. Fun ya but this is serious business. Diligently for these 2 years she attended all his family functions like he did too. These affairs were always a closed affair consisting only his immediate family members. This time however it was his brother's factory opening. And people from all over the place were invited.

Obviously questions were raised. And soon they were the talk of the function. He didn't like those stares and the talks. He now understood what his family was questioned and how they were talked about. He still wasn't sure of what to do next and how to stop all of this happening. And then he saw her. Draped in his favourite coloured saree she was calm composed not one bit of anger showed in her demeanor or in her conversations. Each one of us had a flaw but for him she was simply perfect. And he knew what had to be done. He had thought over it lot many times before. But had ruled it out. Thinking what about their friendship? Their whole arrangement. Everything could go for a toss. He knew what was at stake and what the result would be. She had given cues time and again and finally this was his chance to grab it.

She walked out of her room and walked into his room hoping he shall be there to explain. She so badly wanted to just know. He was there. In her most favourite attire blue jeans and white shirt, clean shaved and the fragrance of his perfume had filled the room. With a charming smile on his face and mischief in those eyes he said, "ssup?" He normally was like this but today something about him his manner, the way he stood, maybe the look in his eyes, something was different, she tried hard to find.

"What's all this arrangement for?" "What does it look like?" "It looks like some lucky girl is gonna get proposed tonight but who?" "Smart I must say", he said it with a hint of sarcasm a manner that always made her smile. "So who is it? I thought you weren't dating anyone and now all this? Ssup who's the lucky girl?? Temme temme??" He loved her all bubbly and jittery and knew what he is going to say next is going to hit her like a lighting bolt.

Her heart skipped multiple beats as she saw him go on his knees with a plain platinum ring in the velvet red box. "Do I still have to say who it is?"

Posted on Wednesday, 26 January 2011 on Lights... Camera... Action!

Routine

She woke up as soon as the first rays of the sun hit her face. She turned her face away into the arms of the man sleeping beside her. He wasn't her husband, boy friend neither a lover. Just a friend, sharing an apartment in the city of Bangalore. Sunday morning came as a bliss after a non-stop 48 hours work on a new launch and an on ground activation, her body was physically tired and mentally drained when she hit the bed last night or to be more precise... today morning.

He had heard the door clink. Obviously he couldn't sleep a wink till she came home at 3 A.M. Seeing him she smiled and wasn't surprised at all. He too was tired working on International projects, Brand Manager indeed came with a lot of trade-off - Sleep, Hunger and worst still working in different Time Zones with no time to get over jet lags. His tired eyes sent the same message to her. They needed to sleep.

She went in for a quick shower and wanted to wear something comfortable. She went into his room opened his cupboard and pulled out his favourite white shirt. Buttoned up and was ready to sleep. He was going through his reports a quick recap of events that occurred in the company here during his absence (that is when he was in Chicago working on the same damn thing). He saw her go from her room to his, wearing her red bath robe and back to her room wearing his shirt. He couldn't help but notice that how beautifully gorgeous she looked tonight. He loved her immensely and when he held her each time his heart still skipped a beat.

Natives of Mumbai, postgraduates in MBA from Marketing, Bangalore was not difficult to adjust to - One metro to other. But staying together made their life more easier than they thought. They had separate rooms attached bathrooms and they respected each others' space as much. There were times they slept on the same bed. But nothing more than that. He didn't know how would he ever tell her. He knew for sure if he asked her out she wouldn't say no because she never had ever said a no to him. But he knew it wouldn't be right. He had known her for 5 years now. She had ended a 4 and half year relationship 3 years back. And he very well knew what damage it had done to her. Her belief in the institution of marriage had shaken. Thank god for once she had expressed and come to him. And he could help. Both found excellent career options in Bangalore and they lived together. Resistance from families were obvious but they couldn't have cared less and after one and half year now, finally families got used to it.

He finally got up from the couch and went to her room as a routine to wish her good night. She had cuddled inside her soft white blanket and was just about to drop to sleep when she opened her eyes to the creak of the door. He walked in sat beside her and ran his hand through her wet hair and then gently patting her forehead tried to put her off to sleep. She always loved his warm hands running through her hair. He bent and placed a light kiss on her forehead and whispered a "Good Night". She locked her cold hands into his palms. He was beginning to feel tired too. But watching her sleep was the most sinful moment ever. He rested beside her holding her close to his heart and putting her off to sleep. He noticed the white shirt again and tried to control his feelings. And the tiredness started to take control over him. She had cuddled into him completely and was in deep sleep. He drowsed off too holding her close. This was the most peaceful moment that he was waiting for weeks now. He felt he deserved it.

She held him close not wanting him to go. She was too tired to word anything. This was the only way she could stop him. She held him closer when he completely rested himself beside her. She was going to have the best sleep tonight. A much needed one. In spite of all the work and drama they made sure they stayed in touch and kept each other updated. She loved the way things were working. And wanted to take it to the next step. But how? She did not know. She loved him like crazy.

From the day she first saw him in the college during her post graduation degree she was impressed. Soon they became close friends and she made sure no feelings she had would interfere the committed relationship she was in. But things tossed on her personal front but she didn't want to get into an another one. Besides she knew he was hurt too. He always ended up having relationships that lasted not more than an year. One year he would invest all the love he had and then find it difficult to get over her. She didn't want her to become one among those. As much as possible she kept her feelings latent and made sure he never gets to know what her true feelings were. She hated the fact that she had to hide things from him. A pact between them was non-verbally decided that they never hide things from each other. Smallest to minutest things were shared and worked on together. This could not be worked on and she knew it well. Each time his arm came over her shoulders or when he held her close to him a shudder went through her. Each time he complimented her he always had that mischievous smirk on his face & she would blush and would let it off by either laughing or looking away and smiling.

She opened her eyes finally at around 1 P.M. finding him still there sleeping like a baby. She smiled and kissed his cheek. He stirred and gently opened his eyes to find her smiling. He loved his life. He held her close again and tried cuddling her up to sleep. She was wide awake but lazy enough to get up from the bed. She kept looking at him. He would open his eyes look at her, sometimes wink sometimes just ask wassup in an almost mute volume. Each time she would smile and reply to him in the same volume. He finally turned and opened his eyes and looked back into her smiling eyes. He kissed her on her cheeks, close to her lips as always,

"Good morning, so what's the plan for the day?"a routine question. She did not want to even move a muscle and just remain on the bed buried in his arms and... no she did not want to think further. "Let's stick around on the bed and rest to glory. Maybe catch up a movie at home itself. What say?"

Suggestion was agreed upon by stretching his arms wide and letting the laziness away from his body. She found him the cutest when he did that. She finally got up from the bed to make coffee for both them.

It was an another routine Sunday at home...

Posted on Thursday, 23rd Dec 2010 on Lights... Camera... Action!