In conversation with...Oneself!!

The drinking session last night was a much needed break for Noel and Arjun. Their work lives were pretty hectic and the news couldn't have gone without celebration.

Arjun slept the night on Noel's couch. He woke up with a start when his BlackBerry alarm rang. How he dreaded going to work today worse still was to go home change and then move to work.

He picked up his car keys placed on the coffee table right next to an empty wine glass. A thought flashed through his head.

Ananya!
Damn you Ira! Why did you start that name?

He shook his head, rubbed the back of his neck that was sore thanks to the uncomfortable sleeping position and left the place. He didn't wish to wake Noel and Ira from their slumber.

He moved towards the parking lot trying to find his car. He was so ecstatic yesterday that he didn't even care to note where he parked his car. The building watchmen directed him towards his car. He got into his car and drove out of the gates on the wide Bengaluru roads.

He loved Bengaluru for its weather and its roads. He checked the time on his stereo clock 5:15 A.M. He switched on his music system.

Maybe music will help me to switch off my thoughts.

The system jumped to action and played the song that made Arjun smirk.

Damn you stereo! Ananya's favourite track. You won't help me.

He was lost in the music blaring in his car. He felt as if it is transporting him through time. His thoughts rewind back to that monstrous day four years back.

The day I kissed Sunaina. I know I had kissed her back it had felt so good having your love back in your arms. But I loved Ananya then. I remember stopping Sunaina. Saying its just a rebound for her. But I know I stopped myself cause I knew I was hurting Ananya, myself and us. I went banging on her door but she refused to open it. I wanted to right the wrong. It was quite unlike her to sleep without saying a good night

What if she saw you making out with Sunaina?
Smirked his subconscious mind

I wasn't making out! It was just a kiss. She could have come and confronted me. She didn't have to take off! Like that!! It left me crushed not knowing what to do.

What the hell would she say to a guy and his ex-very-serious-girlfriend when they are kissing? What would she tell you? And she sure was right in taking off cause look today you are marrying the then ex-very-serious-girlfriend. She gauged it then what took four years for you to realise.
Scowled his subconscious

Look this turn of events with Sunaina is because of Ananya taking off. That night I was shattered. I didn't know where to go. If it hadn't been for Noel and Ira I would have been loitering on the streets piss drunk and eventually fallen into something. Sunaina and me were two broken souls who found comfort in each other. Yes we had a history which only made it easy. But I loved Ananya! I could have gone after her. I didn't want to be hurt. What if she wanted nothing and career was more important then me? If she didn't bother to think about us then why should I!

Oh so it is tit for tat now! She didn't think, so you didn't think. How convienent! You told Sunaina that Ananya and you were "just friends" why could you not tell her what you felt? Since it was so easy to talk to Sunaina you could have very well told that! She would have never kissed you, Ananya would have never seen it and never left you and you would be marrying her now. Case closed. I win. Thank you very much.

His subconscious now basked in the fame of winning the case with people around applauding and cheering for him.

His conscious moves ahead from the crowd ties the hands and legs of the subconscious and gags his mouth.

There! That should shut up you!

His subscious is furious now trying to mouth some words but can't.
He spits the gag out and shouts

WILL YOU LEAST CALL HER AND TELL HER AND INVITE HER TO THE WEDDING?

I don't have an answer for that.

Arjun sighed. He turned into the parking lot of his building, parked the car  in the allocated spot and switched the car ignition off. He sat there in silence.

The stereo clock blinked due to the change in minute. 5:35 A.M.

Since four years from that dreadful day Arjun had these arguments with himself as he didn't know where to find an answer. He knew one person had all the answers.

Ananya!

There I go again in conversation with myself.

His subconscious sat cross legged on his plush brown couch waiting for his next conversation.

Closure

Khushagra moved to Ananya's side who was clutching the phone in her hand. He placed his hand on her shoulder which made her cry more. He checked if someone was still there on the other side of the line but all he heard was dead silence. He pressed the red button and knelt to meet her eyes.

How can he marry? As in.. He can but what about me? Oh I took off then why would he care? I saw a dream and in reality I'm seeing a nightmare. I mean how can I accept. How can I be okay?

Ananya blabbered with frantic hand actions. She usually did that when she was angry or when she was depressed. And now she was both!

Khushagra didn't speak a word. He kept patting her shoulder and occasionally running his hand through her hair to console her.

What am I supposed to do? What am
I supposed to say? Should I call? Or not? But I should. Right? What further? That's it??

Maybe it is the final chapter. Maybe this it!
Khushagra finally spoke

How can it be?

You want it or not it is. Sooner you gulp the better it is. Right?

But...

What was he supposed to do? Couldn't wait for you to come back? Right? You saw them together. Why so shocked?

I still had an expectation. That he might come back. That he might call. He might meet. He might...

Say that he loves you.

Ananya burst into tears as she vigorously nodded her head to a yes. Khushagra held her in his arms.

Ananya, what do you want to do?

I don't know.

Do you want to call?

I don't know.

Do you want to call Noel?

I don't know.

Do you want to cry?

I don't know.

Do you want to go?

Khushagra felt a deep sigh on his shoulder. Ananya straightened herself and looked into his eyes as she wiped her tears.

I... I don't know how to go... I mean why put myself through all this after...

Closure?
Khushagra said it bluntly as he stared into her eyes.

I don't know. Or maybe. Might just.

You don't have to do this alone. I'll be there with you. Your plus one.
Khushagra held her hand as he spoke.

Closure, it is!
Ananya closed her eyes and burst out crying as she held his hands tightly.

One Thought

Ira's head was spinning when she heard what Arjun had to say. He had called in late at night and Noel and she had got really worried. But when he rang the bell and they saw him he was happy and excited about something. She could see the excitement and that twinkle in his eyes. At first she thought he finally got to speak to Ananya. But when those words came from his mouth she stood there still unable to react.

I proposed. To Sunaina. And guess what? She said a Yes!!

She could imagine each syllable slowly steadily sinking in. Noel sprang up and hugged his buddy. She looked at him disbelief first and then reminded herself that it is her childhood friend, Arjun who is getting married. She hugged him and hoped that he understood it all.

I knew you guys will be all excited! I am so happy. Finally after so many years! I am happy.
Arjun kept blabbering.

Ira went to the kitchen to get some drinks for them to celebrate. The walk from the hall to the kitchen was a few minutes but her mind had leaped four years. It flashed in front of her eyes with one thought in her mind...

Ananya!

When Ananya made that final call to Ira telling her about her decision to move to Bombay she was heart broken. That night everything changed. It was the night Ananya had packed her bags, Arjun landed at their apartment with a post-it in one hand and carnations in another. His eyes were red with anger and tears. Ira had opened the door. Noel and Arjun drank all night with Ira next to them who couldn't speak a word because of a promise she had given to Ananya.

Promise me, Ira you will not tell Arjun anything I told you. You do not know anything. You shall not confront him, talk to him or ask him anything. If he is happy I don't want anyone to change his mind. Please. Please do take care of him.
She nodded to Ananya's parting words.

That night Arjun spoke all night about how much he loved her. And how frustrated he is, that he had no idea what had happened so suddenly that she had to take off. He had questions that no one answered. He wanted to go to Bombay but Noel stopped him. Noel insisted that she had moved on in her career and that is what was important to her. Not Arjun, not this friendship not anything. Ira sat their dumb not knowing what to say and how to say. She let the drunken men blabber. When they passed out on the couch, she went to her room and had cried her heart out. She hated this change.


For these four years, she knew where Ananya was. Where she lived. What she did. They were in touch. In these four years, they didn't speak every day but caught up with each other at least once a month or two by a long phone call. First time in her life she hid something from Noel.

Of course Noel was on Arjun's side, he didn't know both sides of the story. She did and she always thought she could be the cupid. But she knew Ananya was healing from something that was unforgivable and Arjun was moving towards something that he always wanted.

Maybe he was never over Sunaina. He was his first love after all.
Thought Ira.

She kept her promise. She never spoke about Arjun to Ananya and about Ananya to Arjun. It was a forbidden topic. They tried hard to find new topics and when their throats choked, they called it a day and said a bye.

For four years she knew Arjun was getting close to Sunaina and was happy that he found comfort in her. But sadly she never could be completely happy for him because one thought always lingered in her mind - Ananya!

She absentmindedly picked up four glasses and a bottle of their favourite Chardonnay with a plate of cheese. She placed all of it on the table and called the guys. Noel looked into her eyes puzzled as if trying to read her mind.

We are just the three of us here. Fourth glass? For whom, madam?
Noel winked at her.

Ananya!
How she wished she could answer.

Just picked up all the glasses I had kept on the counter. Wish An... sorry Sunaina could be here.
Ira explained.

He heard just two letters and Arjun's eyes met hers. He tried to not complete the name in his head but he couldn't stop. He shook his head and came back to the present. Filled the three glasses with one glass standing empty there. Ira stared at the empty glass for long before she picked her glass.

Here's to Arjun and Sunaina! Cheers!
Noel raised his glass followed by Arjun and Ira.

The next morning Ira called in sick after Noel left. She picked up the empty glass that was kept on the table and filled it with wine. She drank the complete bottle waiting for the alcohol to do the trick. And yes, it did!

She checked her watch. 2:10 P.M.

She will be in her room now for lunch.

She picked up her phone and called Ananya.

Hi, Ira! Ssup? How come you called during the day? Everything okay?
She heard the chirpy voice on the other side.

Ann...anya!
Ira slurred

Hey! Are you drunk? Hahaha afternoon sessions. Where are you? Is Noel around?
Ananya was a little worried but she knew Ira wouldn't do anything stupid.

Annan..ya! Just shuddup and listen okay. I am breakinnn d promise! I wanna talk abou' Arrj...un!
She continued to try and make coherent sentences.

Ananya sat up in her chair a little worried about Ira.
What is it, Ira?

Arrrj...un is gettin marrried!